i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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