I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
