are you so shy because you have an std?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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