Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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