Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
