This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
