I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
