when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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