When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
