Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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