Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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