I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
