I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
