Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i will never coherently bang her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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