I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
