btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
