you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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