hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I puked a lego.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
