well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
