The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
