i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
