kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
