That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
