i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
