You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
