it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
