i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize