come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
