You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
