She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
