somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
