Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
