we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
