I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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