walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
