Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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