Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
