I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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