Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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