Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
