after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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