Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
