You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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