What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
