Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
