They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
