I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
