Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
