Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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