Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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