Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
