no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
