and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
