you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
