sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize