Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
