ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
