the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize