Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
