Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
