He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
