census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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