is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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