Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
