I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
