I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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