There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
