I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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