We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
