If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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