my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
