I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
