It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
