That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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